Why Evolution Works - April Fool's edition

I would like to introduce you to the world of evolution. I can't believe I haven't fallen in love with this concept sooner. All we are is just cells, did you know that? And in each of these cells is the chromosome data to create an entire being. In each cell, there is approximately 5 or 6 feet of DNA within the chromosomes. After all, DNA is just a chemical (sugar chain) that undergoes a few simple reactions. In fact the shortest chromosome we have (the X) is only 58 million pairs long. In total, all of the DNA only totals about 3 billion pairs of molecules. Such small numbers as these easily could form on a petri dish somewhere. When DNA splits to form into two cells, there is a massive 170 mutations while the 3 billion pairs replicate. When there are errors, they are repaired with DNA glycosylases. These repairing chemicals run up and down the strands of DNA to find an incorrect sequence, then repair it. They allow 1 defective letter in 40,000 pages of text. Remember it's no big deal, it's just a chemical reaction that anybody could do. I can't understand why you believe in anything else.